Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
