i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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