We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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