Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
