a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
