Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
