All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
