Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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