omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
