In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
