I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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