I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
