He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
