she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
is it fun? or sober?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
