He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
