brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
