her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
