after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
