Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
