What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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