so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
