i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
