i already hear my dad disowning me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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