she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
People in love make me want to vomit
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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