Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
