just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
