I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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