we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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