the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
