my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
