New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
