So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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