omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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