Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
