No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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