Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
