You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
