Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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