Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
