Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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