My hand turned me down
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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