why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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