barbara walters just said penis...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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