Swine flu. Run for my life!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it was like eating out sand paper
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
