trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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