I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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