What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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