i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
