Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
