My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
