What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
worst night to have a conscience
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
