Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Small penises have feelings too.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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