remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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