Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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