I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
